Thursday, February 19, 2009

Q: Am I Impossible? A: Yes.

Well I have decided that I am in fact an impossible person. As most girls do, I frequently question the value of actually including the opposite sex in my life in any way, shape, or form. After a clean but messy break with my last 'official' relationship, I enjoyed being single for a while. I think I enjoyed it so much because I wasn't looking for anything; I was super busy and working a ton and I loved it. I just let guys fit into my life whenever I felt like it. I've recently although secretly prided myself on not being one of those people who let other people dick them around. Especially in terms of relationships and 'love', people allow themselves to become so absorbed and fully invested in another person and their lives that they lose sight of their own self-worth. It makes me sad while simultaneously making me want to slap them around and say, "Uh, excuse me...if they don't respect you, say BYE." Maybe that's harsh, but I've experienced both sides of this: if you let someone treat you like crap once they know they can do it again. And again. And again...and, yes, again. If you just accept this behavior then you're telling that person that they can do whatever they want and treat you however they please and you're still going to be there at the end of all of it. That's not right. I'm not saying that at the first sign of neglect or disrespect you have to immediately stop all communication and write them off. But you definitely need to stand up for yourself and say something about it. If you explain that this is unacceptable, you only get one strike and then they do it to you again then that should be it. In my opinion, of course. I know it's never as easy as that, but I think that sometimes people don't acknowledge the due respect a person deserves, and that's not cool. It's up to the person being treated like shit to demand the aforementioned respect and if they don't get it, to remove themselves from the situation. Okay, that was me going off on a total tangent, so I even switched colors slightly. Anyways.
Back to why I'm impossible. So I spent all this time sorting out how I feel about the single life (mostly sunny with scattered preciptation) only to realize that sometime it is nice to have someone around. I'm not sure if I got fed up with being technically alone or if I had simply had enough of lame pick up attempts. I'm not snotty or prudish; if a nice/cute/funny/interesting guy asks for my number I will give him the right number (and maybe pick up when he calls...). But I don't even really have to worry about picking up his calls! Why, you ask? Well it's because modern technology has allowed guys to do almost everything except call. Text message, IM, write on my facebook wall, facebook message, facebook CHAT. GAG. This is not the way to impresse ladies, my friends. A lot of girl will take some kind of pride in being high matienence and making guys jump through hoops. I am not one of these girls. I just don't understand why it's that difficult to pick up the phone and arrange an organized event which you and the lady of your choosing will attend, hopefully, together.
So that all being said, I spent a decent amount of time bitching to friends about how guys are so lame because they can't gather their balls and call me. And then, months and months later, I meet a guy the way I'd meet any guy ( a bar. hold your judgement plzkthnx). He comes up and talks to me, he's nice, he buys me a drink and acts smooth (read: drunk). We chat, it's nice but whatever, and before I leave he asks for my phone number. He immediately texts me to be sure he's got the right one. Slick. Good call, because seven out of ten guys don't get the chance to call me out on giving them a fake number because they wait til they're home to test it. He didn't seem like a serial killer or raper of any sort so I saved myself the sheepish embarrassment that would be getting caught in such a situation. Anyways, the next day he calls me. We chat it up and he asks if I want to go out the next night. I said 'sure' and we did the damn thing a la kicking it old school. We've been on three dates since. It's all fine and dandy or whatever, I mean, I like him. I'm not obsessed with him to any extent nor do I plan to be. But NOW he's CALLING me....all the time. Just to chat, to say hey, to see what I'm doing while I'm doing it. He texts me at nighttime because a movie reminded him of me, or because he's excited about our next date and he just has to tell me that. Am I getting a tone yet, because I feel like this might be reading a little snarky. Whatever, the point is, I am impossible. I'm 'so over' guys my age because of their lack of grandiosity and formalism when it comes to dating but when an older (not THAT much older) man wants to squire me around and actually, you know, formulate some kind of something with me, I'm all "Oh NO, I'm not even trying to do that!"
It's pretty stupid of me, but I can't help it. I don't like having someone keep tabs on me like that. I don't want to explain where I'm going and with who and what I'm doing or what I'm thinking about. I'm not sure if it's just him that I don't want to answer to, or if it's anyone at all. Either way, I'm pretty sure that this thing is gonna get old, like, yesterday. To make the point circular, I'm impossible.


  1. Tessa, the way you put this all was so great. And the circular effect was perfect. I seriously just love the way you write. Your personality is so present. I'd offer you some relationship advice, but, clearly, I am the least qualified. Take care!

  2. I read your post and realize I am so glad I'm far passed dating. I thought it was exciting at the time but now realize it was a nightmare of miscues, misinformation, misalignment, mistakes and other miscellanea that describe my best dates. How did I ever risk a commitment in the midst of that ever shifting flux.

    How has the human race ever managed to breed?


  3. Just to say I know exactly where you are coming from. You want soemoen who can be bothered to phone (it just seems a bit half hearted to text/messgae/whatever) but phoning ALL THE TIME...that's just a bit much!

    Having just noticed how long ago this was posted..what did you do? Did he calm down after the first excitment of the new relationship was over and stop checking up on you 24/7? Or did you escape while you still had teh chance and find someone a little less...scary?